Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
