gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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