Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
