Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
where does the pee come out of this thing
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
