you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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