I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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