he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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