my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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