just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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