I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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