what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
