my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
