There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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