you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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