I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
