Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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