the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
