he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
