Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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