The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
