saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
