I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
