How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
