you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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