i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
