How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
