don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
