I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
