roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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