It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
