Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Still dying that you shit outside
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize