please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
