I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
