dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
