My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
