i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
