i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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