yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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