When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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