I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
