Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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