SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
