Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
