for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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