just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
