I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
