so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
