this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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