I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
