Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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