We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
