Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
