I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
