I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
