There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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