I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
