When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
