I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
