so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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