OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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