Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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