She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
not ubering you a puppy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
