please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am available for nakedness
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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