The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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