Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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