He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
