need another drink. this is the easiest way
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
