Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is Oprah even human
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
