I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
