Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize