After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
