The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
