But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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